On Dating (or: Why Celibacy is Divine)

3:36 PM Katy 12 Comments

There are a lot of single mamas out there, and plenty of blogs about the terrifying dating world. I'm only going to post about this since I have a different take on the whole thing, based on the number of postings I've seen around the internetz about Finding Love Again When You're Past 30 and Have Loads of Baggage. (titles may vary of course)
                                                                    Exhibit A
I have trust issues. Who doesn't? But when you've not just been hurt, but also dumped with a lot of children depending on you, some of this dating advice looks ridiculous and unrealistic.

Here is the reality:
1. Babysitters are expensive. Especially when you're paying them for a whole evening, where you might end up stuck at a restaurant with some weirdo.

2. You can't ask your mom to watch all of your kids every Friday night, unless she's just wild about the idea. Good luck on that one.

3. Relationships require lots of time and energy. At first it might seem fun, but all too quickly it'll be work. Especially when you've worked all day, tried to parent your kids all evening, cleaned house and folded laundry, and then finally when you fall into bed at 10 pm you've got to find the energy for sex. (And you have to act like you really want it.)

4. Unless you have a raging sex drive (and not just once a month when you're ovulating), the benefits of marriage look to be almost zero, while the potential headaches appear to be the size of a volcano.

Now I had quite a different view on this when I was 22. Maybe when I'm 52 I'll have changed my mind again, since my kids will be long gone.

In the meantime, being single is a wonderful gift. Embrace it! You can devote all that energy to other things: tear out walls in your house, paint the bathroom 50 times if you feel like it, get a golf cart for your kids and ignore all of the laundry, raise ducklings in your garage and never cook again -- whatever you want. And you never have to listen to ESPN or criticism, blessed be the Lord, amen.

This is a chance to find out what you're capable of, since nobody's going to come over and install that new dryer vent for you -- so get cracking, lady! (And then blog about it, of course)

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  1. Amen!! I've been single for about 10 years now and yes I have dated but really...I'm happy the way things are. I certainly don't hate men, its just doesn't seem to be any out there that I've found to be worth the trouble. I have friends and a busy life, and of course my children, and kinda like how I don't have to answer to anybody but myself. If Mr. Right ever comes along, then fine, that will be great, but for now...I'm happy the way things are.

  2. I gotta say I'm with you on this one. Single for years - my life is taken up with watching over my mom and brother. I have three dogs and no relationship - and I don't miss it. Relationships are work, and if you happen to get a bad one, it just adds to the stress. Like you said, maybe when I'm (older than you) 60 something will happen, but I just don't care any more.

  3. If anything happens to DOTR, there's no way in HELL I'm going on a date. Ever.

  4. It takes a mighty fine man to be better than no man at all!

    Stick to your guns, life is good calling your own shots with the drama of a relationship.

  5. I firmly believe that everyone needs time alone to help them develop who they are, instead of trying to mold themselves into someone's idea of who they are.

    Too many times women jump from relationship to relationship...just trying to fill a void that they think they cannot fill themselves.

    I prefer to be by myself, figuring out who I am, & what I like, so I immediately know Mr. Right from Mr. Wrong for me.

  6. OMG - I love the way you think. We could be besties, I just know it. You are so right. I have been single for 6 years now, totally raising my two children on my own both before we separated (because really, what did he do???) and for the past 6 years. My life is sooo much better now. I have no desire to be in a relationship, it is too much work and I wasn't happy anyway.

  7. OmiGOSH Katy, you are SOOO right!!! I recently left nearly forty years of marriage...no need for the drama anymore, thank you...and am SO enjoying my life!!! Have three little grandboys with me for the whole summer...something I could NEVER have done with their grandfather...THANK YOU GOD for this life that I LOVE. Amen!!

  8. I randomly came to your blog while browsing decor ideas online. I have to say this is easily one of THE best posts on being a single mom I have ever read. Very well said, I couldnt agree more (and I only have one kid!)

    I am officially a huge fan. thanks.

  9. I'm a happily single-mama-by-choice to a toddler, and when I have free time I want to spend it alone! Its such a relief to not have dating pressure anymore. Someday, maybe I'll be up for it (or meet someone who makes me actually want to spend time with them!), but right now I am fully appreciating the simplicity of being single.

  10. Totally Agree Katy..!! AWesome post..!! I'm really finding out who I am and what I'm capable and even though it's not easy, I am loving it.. ((hugs))

  11. I totally agree with you on this! I have been single for about 10 years, and I am shocked at how many people think that I am justifying my disappointment when I say that dating doesn't seem worth the trouble to me. I could date if I want to, but I don't. I was doing a project at home one day, and I looked around and thought about the idea of another adult looking at my bedroom and having an opinion about the decor and I actually shuddered. That is MY room, I don't want to share. This is my house, for that matter. I bought it myself. I am pretty proud of that.

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