I'm not a lesbian but I have been mistaken for one a few times in the Home Depot. I'm not sure why. Generally I dress like a woman and I don't have a man haircut, so I'm not sporting the macho look.
Because I'm thinking so hard that I look angry all the time. This is a problem I can't fix. Last Sunday at church one of the deacons asked me to "Smile please". I never realize I'm giving off miserable vibes, it made me feel disappointed in myself as usual. ha
Not that this has anything to do with being butch -- I got off track here somewhere. Oh right! Home Depot!
Yesterday at work my friend Dawn (the other one, not the one I'm building cabinets for right now) said she needed to go to HD for moth traps. I said I needed some clamps, so we drove together at lunch time.
I'm standing in the tool aisle, holding a trim claw and other junk, when she rolls up beside me with her moth traps and a little "gnome garden flag". To picture this accurately, she looks like a blonde princess wearing hot pink and holding this:
And I look like this:
and I ask her to hold my trim claw. She says sure, takes it from me, and the tool guy asks us if we need any help.
I turn to him and say "yeah I'm looking for corner clamps. I'm building cabinets so this won't work" -- pointing to a trim clamp for a different application.
He looks us over. Shows me the corner clamps...I say thanks and start marching off with all my stuff, with Dawn beside me holding her gnome flag and my trim claw dangling between her two fingers like it's a toilet plunger. (That's another thing -- I never "mosey". I speedwalk, like I'm on the verge of breaking into a sprint. I walk like my boss.)
At this point it occurs to me that the way he was smiling at us was a little funny. I look at Dawn. I look down at myself. And the whole picture sort of explodes on me like that can of Coke I left in my car a couple months ago.
"I'm the BUTCH ONE!!"
Dawn burst out laughing because she knew.
No no, you're not butch, don't worry about it!